How are you going
to find an appropriate Out Of Your League Better Than You Person?
Well, first you are going to look. We already established that
by drying out your eyes on an earlier page. But what exactly are you
going to look for? What are the tell-tale clues?
#1: Looks. Good-lookingness. Hotness. Physical attractiveness. Beauty.
Again, this may
seem obvious and it is. Yet so many people overlook this obvious point
or fuck it up completely. Because OOYL does not mean Angelina Jolie.
Many people world-wide can identify Angelina Jolie as a sensuous-looking
physically attractive specimen of large-lipped lushness. She is hot,
if you go for that sort of physically attractive, large-lipped specimen
of lush hotness and so on. Many Playboy models are hot also. Other
models who not Playboy models are also easily identifiable as Extremely
Beautiful. Lots of actresses are hot. That's what they get paid for.
Being hot. It is nice to look at people who look very fucking good.
But this is not the key to falling in love.
So now I'm going
to give a little advice that will save you about $80,000 that you
could otherwise spend on pursuing and eventually divorcing hotness
when you Finally Fall In Love With Someone Who Is Truly Out of Your
League At an Inconvenient Moment That Will Make You Look Like A Real
Jerk. And that advice re Hotness That Any Idiot Could Identify is:
Skip it. Forget
about it. Get over it. Don't worry about it. Leave it alone.
What you actually
want is a very specific type of OOYL good-lookingness. And that type
of OOYL Good-Lookingness is Super Secret Master Spy Only You Can
Truly See and Appreciate It Breath Stopping Heart Pounding Oh My Fucking
God I Am In Serious Trouble Good Lookingness. How do you become
a Master Spy capable of Ferreting Out Super Secret Heart Stopping
Like this. Step
#2 in our newly minted Multi-Step Program For Falling In Love While
You are Young and It is Inconvenient Instead of Waiting Until You
Are Old and Have More Money to Lose Inconvenient: Go to a bar
or other public place where relatively young people of potential good-lookingness
of your favorite sex will be attempting to display their good-lookingness
wares. Take a male friend along. Very important! Do not skip this
you think are good looking and point them out to your male friend.
Say things like "She's hot isn't she?" or whatever crazy
lingo you kids use these days to indicate potential hotness. If your
friend enthusiastically agrees, CROSS HER OFF THE LIST. Wrong, bad!
If a total simpleton jerk like your friend can identify this person
as totally hot then there is nothing super-secret about her. What
you have identified instead is a COMPETITION MAGNET. She's
not just out of your league, she's a one-way ticket to humiliation
because everybody will know from moment 1 that you've got plenty of
competition and if she has even an ounce of reproductive brains she
will need to be checking out that competition and ignoring you. No
good. Cross her off the list.
I know this strategy
is in direct violation of the General Horniness Leer At Everyone in
My Age Range Like a Pig strategy. And the General Horniness strategy
does have a lot of merit in many different situations, most especially
for treating General Horniness. There is absolutely nothing
wrong with the GH strategy; I have employed it myself on many occasions,
including on occasions when I was In Love. But the GH strategy is
no good for actually falling in love and needs to function as an Occasionally
Pleasant Diversion That Will Lead Nowhere. Because that's where it
leads for our purposes: nowhere. Let your friends pursue that strategy
while you cleverly pump them for information on who to avoid.
Odd Eerie Love Coincidence Tip! Very often, the Incredibly Good-Looking
Person You Eventually Fall in Love with Because She Is Out Of Your
League will be forthrightly identified by your friends as very good-looking.
But they will identify her in this way after you have fallen
in love with her. Or...they will identify her as VGL, and you will,
for the life of you, not be able to see it until after you have
fallen in love. I don't know how the universe arranges this, but
in order for the secret formula to work, someone has to not be aware
of good-lookingness until after love develops. There are reasons for
this which we'll allude to later, but may never get around to explaining
because I may not feel like explaining them.
Okay, back to
the bar or wherever it was that we were hanging out with your simpleton
Generally Horny Friend. When you have finally identified someone that
your friend reacts to with tepid indifference, then take another look
at the Tepid Indifference Inducer. If you have the same reaction,
cross her off the list. If your mind says 'yeah, you're right, not
too attractive really,' it is in no way going to work to try to fall
in love with this person. Move on immediately.
What you are looking
for is a person that your friend (or friends) cannot be bothered to
pay too much attention to because they are busy drooling over other
people. At the same time, this should be a person that you find it
difficult to not pay attention to because your own personal eyes and
mind are like "Wha?" You want your eyes and mind so bewildered
by the sight and presence of this person that they can't even put
ending 't's' on their words. So that your mind is drooling and reduced
to baby-talk and no longer knows how to form regular English words
even in the privacy of your own brain.
We have already
established that in order to find someone worth falling in love with,
you need to look.
not at the ones that everyone else is looking at. Since you have a
girlfriend, it is probably not going to be cool to do it while you're
with her. Unless you're looking at her. Which you should do. You may
be surprised at what you see (happily or unhappily surprised) but
even if you aren't you will establish a baseline for what women in
your life look like. Then...when you're not with a person of the female
persuasion that you are ostensibly romantically attached to, here's
what you do.
at women people all the time, but not at what they look like.
At how they move, what kind of gestures they make, their facial expressions,
and what they are doing. Because the key to heart-stopping lethally
gorgeous super-secret etcera etceraness is not in how a person looks
when she knows she is being looked at or judged for her good-lookingness.
It is in how she looks when she is accidentally dropping a hot dog
at a baseball game. How she looks when she has her back to you and
is talking to someone taller. How she looks when she is wearing a
sweatshirt and digging in a garden. How she looks when she is trying
to climb into a convertible without opening the door. How she looks
when she is pontificating on natural history and women's economic
rights to a professor who truly does not give a fuck. How she looks
when she is trying to learn Spanish. Or eating M&Ms.
Because the thing
you need to see with is the Sex Brain. The Sex Brain, for some
unknown reason, is able to pick up subtle clues as to Reproductive
Excellence by watching people wipe mustard off their chins. I
have no idea myself why a Sex Brain will suddenly shout to itself
"Garden Dirt! I Am In Love!" But it will. It will see someone
gardening and know all it needs to know. I personally do not find
watching someone handle a yucky fish they have just pulled from a
river to be a way to deduce Reproductive Excellence. But some Sex
Brains can do just that. "Fish slime!" they'll yell and
they'll just know in some mysterious primordial way that they have
stumbled upon the egg-carrier from Reproductive Heaven and that all
will be well with the millions of children they intend to spawn with
the woman in question who is against all common sense willing to hold
slimy fish in her hands.
The thing is,
you do not know whether your own Sex Brain is wildly attracted to
mustard, fish slime, garden dirt, peanut shell spitting, motorcyle
riding, political activism, gin swilling, sarcasm, squinting, clumsiness,
intense anger, horse laughter, cool reserve, ruthless ambition, leggy
elegance or what. But you can rest assured it will be attracted to
something that tells it is looking at someone who is "Not
Like Other Girls!" And in order to find someone that your
Sex Brain can identify as Not Like Other Girls, you have to be watching
women when they are not acting like other girls. It's that simple.
You have to train your eyes to be looking for the things that signal
between horniness and love is the exclusion of Mediocrity.
That's why we had you hone your vision by having you hang out with
your horny friends. They are your Mediocrity check. If they're attracted,
the person in question is not Better Than You and is therefore, by
definition, mediocre, even if she is a Competition Magnet.
Got it? Of course
not. But next, we'll give you the magic clue as to how to identify
the Subtle Reproductive Cues or Something That Will Help You Fall
in Love w/Someone Appropriately Better Than You So You Can Rid Yourself
of the Mediocrity You Are Currently Attached To Even Though That Sounds
Kind Of Cold and Everything to Call Someone Mediocre, Although Let's
Face It, Most People Are....
Bluebird of Love Happiness is Hiding in an Improbable Place...