the pretty fucked up website

The Not 100% Complete FAQs for the Pretty Fucked Up Person in a Pretty Fucked Up World

You don't really want to meet people, and neither does anyone else....

Random Shit
Remember to Skip...

Why is it so fucking hard to meet people? I'm single and I can't meet anybody decent. Believe me, I've tried. I've gone on lots of dates. Everyone sucks. People are shallow and superficial or they don't want commitment or they're assholes or they're lame or whatever. It's just really fucking hard to meet good people. I'm about ready to give up. I'm starting to think maybe I'll never find someone to spend my life with - or maybe there's something wrong with me! A night at home alone almost seems better than wasting another evening with one of these jerks. What gives? Say something. Give me a special bonus tip or something. Thanks.

Okay - excellent rant. And incredibly frequent as well. But kind of a stupid question. The question is not why is it so hard to meet people - because, as you pointed out, it's not. The problem is, as you so nicely and concisely explained, that you don't like meeting people. People are terrible, awful creatures as you have repeatedly discovered and what you really need is an aggressive plan for not meeting them. Fortunately, that we can help you out with here at

And to answer your final question, what gives is that not liking to meet people is eminently normal, sensible, sane and common; it doesn't indicate that there's something wrong with you - it indicates that you have the simple common sense to realize that the more people you meet the more time you are going to be spending with people you don't like.

All right -so let's hammer down and deal with the incredibly common and yet equally horrible issue of meeting people. We are going to solve all your problems in this area for your entire life within one year - guaranteed. (Wait a minute, cancel that. Who am I kidding? I'm not going to guarantee anything. Why would I do that? That would be silly and wouldn't benefit me at all. Okay, never mind, forget that irrelevant guarantee thing and let's move on.)

Principle #1: Admit that you do not, under any circumstances, want to meet people. You hate them. You have met more than enough in your lifetime and you haven't enjoyed it.

What you actually want is to already know a sufficient quantity of people that you kind of like, spend all your time with them and avoid everyone else. This is every smart person's goal. The goal is not to meet people. The goal is to not have to meet people because you are already surrounded with the dozen or so really cool people that fill most of your basic needs without you ever having to actually meet them because magically, you already know them.

When you ask your question about finding someone you could spend your life with - obviously your goal here is not to arrange things so you can spend the rest of your life meeting people you could potentially spend your life with. That would be stupid, not to mention anxiety-provoking for the individual you actually marry. No, obviously your goal is to find someone you like and then quit looking! That's because there's no inherent value to you in meeting people, you don't even like it. The only reason you are considering meeting people at all is because you are under the impression that if you do meet people, then you won't have to. It's a means to an end. And when something is a means to a fucking end - we don't want to get hung up on the goddamn means - we want to get to the fucking end! This is an incredibly simple life principle - and yet we all do our best to forget it as often as possible, usually exactly when it's in our best interests to remember it.

Let's illuminate this by contrasting your natural and admirable feelings of loathing for humanity with those of a small segment of society who apparently don't share them. These people are serial meeters. You have undoubtedly met these people, because that's what they do. They fucking meet people. All the goddamn time. They illustrate how incredibly easy it is, in fact, to meet people. These handshake and greeting incurably outgoing and friendly people desire nothing more than to spend every fucking waking moment of their lives interacting with people they don't know very well. They meet people at the dry cleaners, at the pizza place, at the networking convention, on the tennis court, at the liquor store, on the bus, in the airport, at the committee meeting, on the PTA board, through the museum they belong to, at their church, when they do public speaking, through their volunteer work, at the YMCA, during their night classes, on the elevator, at their jobs, on a spiritual retreat, by selling their handicrafts, through organizing the Memorial Day parade and on and on and on and on. If someone who has absolutely no fucking reason whatsoever to give a shit about them isn't reacting warmly to them at all moments of the night and day, these people think they're going to die. And this underlying intimation of impending death gives them a powerful motivation to overcome what every other human being on the planet is driven by - which is a strong desire to avoid other people unless they are already known and trusted quantities. Serial meeters are the ones who violate the no talking at the bus stop rule and other niceties of urban life.

And they teach you how incredibly easy it would be for you to meet fucking thousands of people a year. All you would have to do is the same thing they do - go up to people you don't know, stick out your hand and say something friendly like 'I'm ________ (pick a name, possibly even yours). Pleased to meet you.' Do this relentlessly and you will meet so many goddamn people, you won't be able to count them. And the people you would meet this way, through sheer friendliness and desire to meet people, would be just as good as people you'd meet any other way, such as being set up by your existing friends. There is no reason whatsoever to whine about the difficulty of meeting people. Meeting people is incredibly fucking easy. But there is no fucking way in hell you are going to run around being relentlessly fucking friendly to strangers 24 fucking seven unless nature has already cursed you with that kind of personality. And the reason you are not going to do this is - you don't fucking want to. It may be easy, but you'd probably rather die a miserable lonely death than do it. And the reason you instinctively fucking avoid violating the unspoken 'don't run around fucking meeting people all the time' social rule - is that you sense you'd end up vaguely knowing hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people you wouldn't really like. You'd suffocate under the terrible crushing burden of obligation to interact with vast multitudes of people who suck - and who, even if they don't, you don't really trust.

For most people, it's hard enough finding 15 people you trust - the prospect of spending your entire life surrounded by hundreds of people you don't trust, in an exhausting and never-ending round of pretense and artificial friendliness, is simply too much to bear. Trust is hard for the normal human - because the normal human understands that people are dangerous. And so they naturally and sensibly want to limit the bulk of their important interactions to a group of no more than about 30 whom they know well enough and who know them well enough to make the necessary interactions trustworthy enough.

Serial meeters act oddly and as though they actually enjoy meeting people because they do - they don't trust anyone who might really know them and they feel much more secure and at ease around people who don't. They feel safer with a lot of loose ties based on a small amount of superficial knowledge and interaction - whereas most people feel safer with a small number of deep ties based on complicated threads of love, obligation, resentment, mutual dependence, necessity, confusion, gratitude, affection, sheer expedience, and a whole range of complicated bonding emotions that periodically show up in their most important relationships for no apparent reason other than to make things even more complicated and bonded than they already were. You, as a normal person, are seeking this Valhalla of complication and enduring ties.

This partly explains your perception that everyone you do meet sucks. You don't trust the people you meet because you don't already know them and you haven't developed complicated ties with them in which you can assess their trustworthiness. Hanging around with people you don't really trust gives you the impression that they suck. They may or may not suck - but your experience of being with them does - because it's an experience of not really being able to let down your guard and not being able to trust. And that does suck! It's tiring and you hate it and you're sick of it and you'd really rather just fucking be at home with your goddamn cat than go through the stress of it anymore. Your natural untrusting wariness, intelligent and sensible as it is, also creates a lens of perception in which all the things the other person does lend themselves to an unflattering interpretation. Which leads to a fairly predictable emotion regarding these other people on your part - you hate them!

Perfectly natural. And yet not entirely in your interests. Because the thing is - if you already had a sufficient quantity of trustworthy people in your life - you wouldn't have indulged in the above rant. You don't. Whether it's a lack of friendships now that you have graduated college, a lack of mate, a lack of social circle now that you have switched towns, the devastating social aftermath of That Bitter Divorce or what fucking have you - at the moment, you do not have a sufficient quantity of people you already know hanging around and taking care of your every fucking need, sexual or otherwise.

Your goal therefore is to skip as much of the meeting people part as possible and to spend as much time as possible already knowing the people you want to hang out with. You don't want to meet a lot of people - ever. You want to already know a very few people that you do trust and that don't suck.

Principle #2: Therefore, on your behalf, we need to implement an aggressive plan of not meeting people.

Your goal is to not meet as many people as possible within a given time frame, let's say 3 to 6 months or perhaps even a year or so if you'd like to set yourself up for a lifetime of blissful not meeting people. You can do this! And, as you steadily reach your goals for not meeting people, your confidence and self-esteem will rise like magic, making you irresistible to all those people you do not have to meet! Sound like a good deal? Let's get started.

Step 1: Make a very firm commitment to not meet people.

Intention is always important and so is the kind of forthright, stand-up commitment that makes you such an impressive American go-getter when you are not otherwise hanging around the house being all depressed because you're single and lonely and you don't have any friends and so on.

It's important also, that your brain understand that you do not have to meet people. This is going to take a big load off its shoulders and is going to allow it to heave a hearty sigh of relief and relax a little and potentially even like people a little better when it realizes it is not going to be forced to spend time with them. Your brain has been taking a lot of shit from people like your mother who helpfully tell you things like 'You're never going to meet anyone sitting at home reading a novel, you know.' Your friends tell you shit like this 'you should get out of the house and go do something!'; books tell you this; the TV tells you this, everyone tells you you're a loser to do exactly what is most natural for everyone, namely spend their time in the company of someone pleasant such as themselves while avoiding the company of the unpleasant, such as other people. So you need to take a strong stand and tell your brain very firmly that you are not going to listen to that meeting people is good shit anymore and you are not going to be dishing it out either.

Your brain will not believe you and for good reason. Because even as you have been busy whining and grumping and ranting about the awfulness of meeting people, your conscience has been prodding you to do just that. It's been telling you that you ought to. Which is a major reason why you have been finding it so difficult and hating it so much. It's become a fucking obligation like paying your taxes or brushing your teeth.

Since you have endured so much propaganda on behalf of the false doctrine of 'meeting people' and it's been so thoroughly incubated and indoctrinated into your soul, you're going to have to take a bold and dramatic stand against it in order to gain any credibility with your brain and body. Therefore, you need to take an 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of paper with many lines on it and you are need to write on it over and over again in big bold dramatic cursive writing - 'Fuck meeting people! Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it! I fucking hate meeting people. I'm not going to do it anymore. I refuse!' Fill up the whole fucking sheet of paper this way. This is going to stress you out and give you a claustrophobic panicky feeling that if you don't meet people - then you will never meet anyone! Breathe through this moment of logical and rational deduction. It will subside eventually. Remind yourself that every single person you don't meet is a person you don't have to associate with. That'll make you feel a lot better.

Remember that your goal is not to not have anybody to hang out with - your goal is to somehow manage to already know them without going through the torture of actually having to meet them. The point of taking a stand against meeting people is partly to reassure your already tense and wary body and brain that you are no longer under the obligation to spend your time with people you don't like nearly as well as you like yourself. If you don't reassure yourself on this point, you are going to find yourself confused and at least partially under the impression that you are indeed obligated to spend your time with people you don't like because it qualifies as meeting people and you know what's going to happen then? You guessed it! You are going to spend your time dating one idiot after another while sending pathetic rants to! Your judgement of people is going to go down the tubes as you struggle to convince yourself that there is some good fucking reason why you need to expose yourself to worst kind of ignorant fool because it proves you are 'getting out of the house.' This is miserable! In order to restore your natural excellent judgment of human nature, you are going to have to stop giving yourself points for meeting the ordinary run of common idiots and start giving yourself points for not meeting them!

Meanwhile, people who are not idiots, who do not suck, and whom instinctively you trust, do not require being met at all. They already feel familiar when they accidentally enter your circle and you like them - so it actually feels like you never really had to meet them at all! This is ideal. Therefore, to summarize - if you meet someone, demerits for you! If you don't meet someone you don't like - points for you! If you don't meet someone you do like but instead just get to know them because they are cool people - points for you! Remember, the more people you don't meet, the higher your score! Collect enough valuable not meeting people points and you can redeem them for cash and prizes! There's never been a better time to start not meeting people than right now!



But can you safely and effectively not meet people?


Random Vocabulary Word:

Social Inhibition Mechanism

More bad relationships!

How to dump your girlfriend!

What the fuck is this site anyway?

Special Introductory FAQs

Why are people so stupid???

How Fucked Am I? A Handy Interactive Self-Quiz



The I am Making This Up Disclaimer

The Scientific Disclaimer

The I Don't Know What I Am Talking About Disclaimer

The This is No Substitute for Professional Help Disclaimer

The Don't Sue Me Unless You Really Really Really Want to Disclaimer

The This Site is Not Endorsed by Anyone Disclaimer

Bonus! Your FAQ here

copyright 2003