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The Not 100% Complete FAQs for the Pretty Fucked Up Person in a Pretty Fucked Up World

You don't really want to meet people, and neither does anyone else....

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Step 2: Practice being close-minded and hard to get along with.

The last thing you want to do at this point is be open to people and easy to get along with. Very frequently when you are in a trying to meet people mode you will force yourself to be open-minded against all your better instincts and you will make a valiant but doomed and short-lived effort to find something interesting about every person you meet or to see the good in each individual.

Not only do you hate doing this but it's also incredibly disadvantageous to you. The truth is there is absolutely nothing interesting at all about most people and while there may be some good in many people this aspect of their personality is usually obscured by the fact they're so annoying and even if you were to see the good in that person you wouldn't care anyway because they're not the least bit interesting. Running around being open to people is a surefire way to attract more of them into your life with the horrifying result that you will spend more and more of your time surrounded by them clamoring to be as boring and irritating as possible in your presence. You know this! You have gone to parties, been nice to some pathetic boring person you felt sorry for and then realized you would never ever ever be able to detach them from your side no matter how long they talked about septic tanks! This is what you got for being nice! Normally you would never stoop to this kind of behavior but when you feel impelled to meet people, this is exactly the kind of thing you will sink to. Don't do it! Resist your impulse to be nice! Being easy to get along with will make people like you! People that like you will want to spend time with you! This is exactly what is causing all your problems as outlined in your rant above. You hate it when that happens. You don't want to spend time with people that like you! You want to spend time with people you like! Big difference. You would never stumble into this trap of being easy to get along with, it's against your nature, except that you are temporarily people to hang out with impaired. And that situation creates this powerful subconscious drive to force people to like you so you will have someone to hang out with. This is perfectly understandable and you can't completely control this primeval urge. But you do need to combat it. Remember, the more successfully you repress your urge to be liked, the more successfully you will not meet people.

Sudden Training Exercise

You didn't think you'd get to hang around absorbing the finer points of the esoteric philosophy of not meeting people forever, did you? Of course you did, but you don't. This is like the Marines, there is only so much drill and then you have to get out there with the live ammunition and risk your life for no good reason. Here's how to risk yours.

Go to a party by yourself. Count the number of people in attendance that you've never met. See how many of them you can avoid being pleasant to. Don't set the bar too high for yourself, this is an initial training exercise. Party pleasantries may slip out, particularly in conjunction with all that nerve-soothing alcohol you're imbibing. Give yourself points if you can just exercise some self-control and restrain yourself from being nice to everyone out of nervousness.

Absolutely positively under no circumstances are you allowed to scan the room nervously while telling yourself that you have to meet someone during the evening. No! No! No meeting people. Now, given that there are people in attendance that you don't know and that you have to practice your newly acquired not being nice to people skills, it may occur at some point that you will need to talk to some of them. That's fine. It may even happen that some of them are accidentally kind of okay and you semi-enjoy not being all that nice to them. That's fine. This kind of shit happens. There's nothing you can do about it. Fun is not necessarily entirely avoidable under the no meeting people plan. As long as you are not purposely nice to them in order to get them to like you, you pass the training exercise.

Go up to as many people as possible during the evening, particularly once you are kind of drunk, and say things to them without any intention whatsoever of meeting them, getting them to like you, forming a relationship with them later, hanging out with them, impressing them, or any other type of reasonable social goal other than clearly and firmly establishing that you don't have to meet any of them, and the mere fact that you have spoken to them does not obligate you in any way to spend the rest of your miserable life pretending you know them somehow. If they don't like you - good! That's a group of people you'll never have to fucking deal with again. At the end of the evening, or more likely the next morning, drink a cup of coffee in a bathrobe while doing a series of complicated calculations of the number of people from the night before that you'll never ever ever have to spend any time with again if you don't want to. Once you have calculated the number write it down on a piece of paper. Then lose the piece of paper because you are absent-minded.

If there is someone from the night before that you do want to spend more time with because well, you can't help it, you just do, that's fine. That person doesn't count. They are obviously not the regular kind of person you would ordinarily be forced to meet because they are not boring and stupid and annoying, so accidentally meeting them obviously doesn't count. You can call up people that don't count as much as you want. It isn't like you actually met them because they aren't like regular people that you have to meet. So you can actually spend as much time with them as you want, because spending time with someone you like is almost the same as spending time with yourself, except with somebody else there.

If it turns out after you have called them that you don't like them, then move them over to the list of people that you haven't met and won't ever speak to again. Your goal is basically to put every single person on the planet on the I don't ever have to speak to you side of the list except for the 30 or so people that you are going to spend the entire rest of your life with god willing. But whatever you do, don't call anyone because you think they liked you. No! That's the same as meeting people and we have already established that we are opposed to that. That's like being open to new people coming into your life. No! You're not open. You're close-minded, grumpy, and hard to get along with.





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