Is
the pretty fucked up website a joke?
The pretty fucked
up website is just like real life. Which means that although it is
sometimes pretty goddamn fucking funny, it is not exactly a joke.
How do I use the
pretty fucked up website?
There is one simple
important principle to implement when using the pretty fucked up website.
Namely,
1)
Skip.
Skip. Frolic.
Bounce about. Skip the parts that do not interest you. Click randomly
and excitedly on various lurid words and phrases that do interest
you, in the quite possibly vain hope that they will link to an even
more lurid and ridiculous section of the website. Follow the links
until you get hopelessly lost. Log off. Come back later and amuse
yourself by seeing if you can figure out how you got where you were
yesterday. Fail. Get lost in a new way. Log off. Repeat as necessary.
What
is the purpose of the pretty fucked up website?
It is the modest
hope of the webmistress that it will allow you to waste lots and lots
of time.
Does the pretty
fucked up website have any Special Features?
Well...it does
feature specially trademarked Crackpot Theories for your enjoyment.
And Special Bonus Tips. And Vocabulary Words. Made Up Answers to your
Scientific Questions. So it's pretty much jam-packed with entertainment
all around.
How
does the pretty fucked up website work? If, in fact, it works at all?
It works by an
amazing process in which fucked up answers to your personal pretty
fed up frequently asked questions about life periodically appear on
the site. Thereby enlightening, informing and entertaining you no
end.
But how do my
personal pretty fed up FAQs get on the site?
You email them
in. Or someone else emails them in for you. Or alternatively I magically
figure out what your pretty fed up FAQs are and give you a fucked
up answer before you even realize you had the question.
Where
do the answers come from?
A team of highly
skilled answer people.
Really?
No, I am the main
highly skilled answer person and I have to make the answers up myself.
Which is an very strenuous activity. But I'm willing to do that for
You.
Well,
how are the answers made up then?
I use
a 2 phase scientific process.
Phase
1: Intensive Personal Research. In the intensive personal research
phase, a wide variety of fucked up phenomena are observed, experienced,
categorized and examined. This phase may include desperate and intermittently
successful attempts to make the fucked up phenomena go away. But that
is a bonus activity and not required to move on to Phase 2. Which is:
Phase 2: Formulation of Hypothesis. In this phase, we attempt
to come up with some sort of explanation for the existence, nature,
and cause of the fucked up phenomena in question. And then we try
like hell to devise some sort of strategy for conquering that goddamn
fucked up shit, whatever it may be. And thus the trademark 'Crackpot
Theories' are born. This is the sort of activity I can spend hours
on. And frequently do.
What
are your qualifications?
A lifetime of
being pretty fucked up. And a modest gift for Crackpot Theories.
Do you really
personally research each fucked up topic on this site? Even the sex
ones?
Yes.
Wow.
Thank you.
Sometimes when
I click on a link, I'll be reading a pretty fucked up answer and all
of a sudden it will just stop in the middle, for no reason. Why is
that? Are your links broken? Like sometimes on the right, it will
list something like a link but it isn't one. What's up with that?
Can't you keep your links updated?
Ah,
you have stumbled onto the very important 'When I Get Around To
It' Principle here at the pretty fucked up website. A long diatribe
will suddenly stop in the middle, and yet later, the rest of the diatribe
wil magically appear when I get around to it. This is
just one of the features that makes the pretty fucked up website so
exciting, so tantalizing, and yet, like much of life, so achingly
disappointing.
I'll bet you didn't
know there is a complicated scientific term for this - Intermittent
Reinforcement. It has been scientifically proven that when good and
bad things happen intermittently and for no apparent reason, the hapless
organism trapped in this hellish existence will get freaked out and
frantically repeat behaviors that coincided with something happening
in the desperate hope that something will happen again - even
when trained observers note that most of the time nothing does.
This is a capsule description of life as we know it, or for many of
us, at the very least a capsule description of our sex lives as we
know them.
Thus it is at
the pretty fucked up website. Sometimes you will attempt to click
on something or get lost in a diatribe in the hopes of gaining satisfaction
and nothing will happen - and yet, sometimes something will
happen and thus you are hooked, doomed to frantically pursue
the time-wasting opportunities you know are out there - just beyond
your reach.
As for the stuff
on the right - it indicates FAQs I have personally researched and
made up the answer to - and yet startlingly, have failed to write
down, put into HTML, and post. This is shocking! Keeping in mind the
'When I Get Around To It' Principle, we realize that the pseudo-links
on the right will become fully functional when I fucking get around
to it!
Are
there pictures of half-naked chicks on this website?
Not yet. Hopefully
soon. For educational purposes. When I get around to it.
This website
has a lot of text. What if I go blind reading it all?
Then
you will need to see an eye doctor.
prettyfedup.com