the pretty fucked up website

The Not 100% Complete FAQs for the Pretty Fucked Up Person in a Pretty Fucked Up World

Special Introductory Bullshit

Special Introductory
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Welcome to Special Introductory FAQs


Is the pretty fucked up website a joke?

The pretty fucked up website is just like real life. Which means that although it is sometimes pretty goddamn fucking funny, it is not exactly a joke.

How do I use the pretty fucked up website?

There is one simple important principle to implement when using the pretty fucked up website. Namely,

1) Skip.

Skip. Frolic. Bounce about. Skip the parts that do not interest you. Click randomly and excitedly on various lurid words and phrases that do interest you, in the quite possibly vain hope that they will link to an even more lurid and ridiculous section of the website. Follow the links until you get hopelessly lost. Log off. Come back later and amuse yourself by seeing if you can figure out how you got where you were yesterday. Fail. Get lost in a new way. Log off. Repeat as necessary.

What is the purpose of the pretty fucked up website?

It is the modest hope of the webmistress that it will allow you to waste lots and lots of time.

Does the pretty fucked up website have any Special Features? does feature specially trademarked Crackpot Theories for your enjoyment. And Special Bonus Tips. And Vocabulary Words. Made Up Answers to your Scientific Questions. So it's pretty much jam-packed with entertainment all around.

How does the pretty fucked up website work? If, in fact, it works at all?

It works by an amazing process in which fucked up answers to your personal pretty fed up frequently asked questions about life periodically appear on the site. Thereby enlightening, informing and entertaining you no end.

But how do my personal pretty fed up FAQs get on the site?

You email them in. Or someone else emails them in for you. Or alternatively I magically figure out what your pretty fed up FAQs are and give you a fucked up answer before you even realize you had the question.

Where do the answers come from?

A team of highly skilled answer people.


No, I am the main highly skilled answer person and I have to make the answers up myself. Which is an very strenuous activity. But I'm willing to do that for You.

Well, how are the answers made up then?

I use a 2 phase scientific process.

Phase 1: Intensive Personal Research. In the intensive personal research phase, a wide variety of fucked up phenomena are observed, experienced, categorized and examined. This phase may include desperate and intermittently successful attempts to make the fucked up phenomena go away. But that is a bonus activity and not required to move on to Phase 2. Which is:

Phase 2: Formulation of Hypothesis. In this phase, we attempt to come up with some sort of explanation for the existence, nature, and cause of the fucked up phenomena in question. And then we try like hell to devise some sort of strategy for conquering that goddamn fucked up shit, whatever it may be. And thus the trademark 'Crackpot Theories' are born. This is the sort of activity I can spend hours on. And frequently do.

What are your qualifications?

A lifetime of being pretty fucked up. And a modest gift for Crackpot Theories.

Do you really personally research each fucked up topic on this site? Even the sex ones?

Thank you.

Sometimes when I click on a link, I'll be reading a pretty fucked up answer and all of a sudden it will just stop in the middle, for no reason. Why is that? Are your links broken? Like sometimes on the right, it will list something like a link but it isn't one. What's up with that? Can't you keep your links updated?
Ah, you have stumbled onto the very important 'When I Get Around To It' Principle here at the pretty fucked up website. A long diatribe will suddenly stop in the middle, and yet later, the rest of the diatribe wil magically appear when I get around to it. This is just one of the features that makes the pretty fucked up website so exciting, so tantalizing, and yet, like much of life, so achingly disappointing.

I'll bet you didn't know there is a complicated scientific term for this - Intermittent Reinforcement. It has been scientifically proven that when good and bad things happen intermittently and for no apparent reason, the hapless organism trapped in this hellish existence will get freaked out and frantically repeat behaviors that coincided with something happening in the desperate hope that something will happen again - even when trained observers note that most of the time nothing does. This is a capsule description of life as we know it, or for many of us, at the very least a capsule description of our sex lives as we know them.

Thus it is at the pretty fucked up website. Sometimes you will attempt to click on something or get lost in a diatribe in the hopes of gaining satisfaction and nothing will happen - and yet, sometimes something will happen and thus you are hooked, doomed to frantically pursue the time-wasting opportunities you know are out there - just beyond your reach.

As for the stuff on the right - it indicates FAQs I have personally researched and made up the answer to - and yet startlingly, have failed to write down, put into HTML, and post. This is shocking! Keeping in mind the 'When I Get Around To It' Principle, we realize that the pseudo-links on the right will become fully functional when I fucking get around to it!

Are there pictures of half-naked chicks on this website?

Not yet. Hopefully soon. For educational purposes. When I get around to it.

This website has a lot of text. What if I go blind reading it all?
Then you will need to see an eye doctor.







Related Content, Unrelated Observations and Random Fucking Links:

Vocabulary Words!

Other People

Sex Brain

Social Inhibition Mechanism

Executive Brain


From the ever-popular Dumping series: What to Do When She Cries....

Too Shy To Meet Girls

Why does time go so slowly when you're bored?

Why are people so stupid??

How Fucked Up Are You? A Handy Interactive Quiz

Why do Asshole Guys Get All the Chicks?



The I am Making This Up Disclaimer

The Scientific Disclaimer

The I Don't Know What I Am Talking About Disclaimer

The This is No Substitute for Professional Help Disclaimer

The Don't Sue Me Unless You Really Really Really Want to Disclaimer

The This Site is Not Endorsed by Anyone Disclaimer


Bonus! Your FAQ here

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