What's my
Social Inhibition Mechanism?
Good question.
Your Social Inhibition Mechanism is a component of your Social
Brain. Its function is to keep you from doing things you might
otherwise enjoy, such as killing your boss.
It's located in
the....well I forget where it's located, but probably in the frontal
lobes or somewhere like that. Somewhere close to the front of your
head, probably up a little from your eyes and behind your forehead
- where it can keep a good, suspicious watch on you.
The Social
Inhibition Mechanism is the 'Don't Fucking Do That!' mechanism,
particularly as it applies to items involving Other People as in 'Don't
Fucking Do That, It's Gonna Piss Other People Off, You Fool!'
The Social
Inhibition Mechanism is universal in function but it is adaptable
to whatever particular culture of Other People you happen to find
yourself in.
It works like
this: You are born, and your brain is aware of this. And it says to
you - 'Listen up, buddy, you are a human being and that means you
are going to be born in a nest of Other People. These Other People,
strange as they are, are really fucking important. So when you do
something that pisses them off, or appears to break the rules, or
really really hurts their feelings or makes them all act as if they
are really fucking uncomfortable - then Don't Fucking Do That Anymore.
And keep a close watch on Other People and if some of them do things
that piss people off, or seem to go against the rules or make everybody
else all hurt and shit or really fucking weird and uncomfortable -
then don't do that! Whatever the fuck it was those unfortunate idiots
did -don't do it! Mock them, harrass them, make fun of them, tease
them, make them generally miserable, whatever you fucking have to
do to distinguish yourself from the poor idiot who fucked up and got
in trouble - but don't fucking be like them! Got it? No matter how
fucking stupid or strange or trivial or sensible or what have you
the damn thing is that gets you into trouble with Other People - don't
fucking do it.
And your brain
says this because it doesn't want Other People to kill you - which
it knows they're gonna want to do after a certain period of time with
you - because you're human and so are they. So it wants you to tamp
down many of your natural impulses so that you can get along with
Other People in big clumps known as societies and generally mitigate
the reality that it's only natural for them to fucking hate you because
you're just as human as they are - and that gets on everybody's nerves.
Your brain doesn't
know what kind of idiotic rules the culture you're born into is going
to come up with - but it knows there are going to be some and so it
has installed this Follow Them nodule above your eyes and behind
your forehead. Because no clump of human beings can stand to be around
each other for very long without a list of Don't Fucking Do That!
rules. And if you don't listen to your Social Inhibition Mechanism
- if you fuck up, your Social Inhibition Mechanism will try to explain
the situation more thoroughly to you by subjecting you to Fear, Embarrassment,
Insecurity, and the occasional dose of Panic.
This mechanism
is versatile - it's the one responsible for you figuring out that
'Fuck!' is a swear word, for example. Because all cultures come up
with forbidden words and phrases so that people will be able to tell
when they are breaking the rules and feeling or expressing something
Socially Unacceptable. Swear words are convenient that way!
As a highly informative
and diverting side note - this is why people with Tourette's Syndrome
sometimes shout out swear words at inopportune moments as a symptom
of the disease. Tourette's Syndrome is partly a glitch in the functions
of the brain responsible for processing the Social Inhibition Mechanism.
It's not really fun to have your Social Brain fucked with as part
of a disease so let's all take a moment to feel humbly sympathetic
with people who have Tourette's Syndrome.
Okay, we've done
that - now let's shout some swear words back at the Tourette's people
really really loudly, just to give our Social Brains a little heart
attack! Ah, the Social Brain loves a good practical joke on itself
every now and then.....
Since the Social
Inhibition Mechanism is tangible - it's a real physiological process
and dependent on physical things like neurons and neurotransmitters
and proteins and blood supply and so on - it can work better or worse
depending on the physical configuration of your particular brain and
what it has to fucking deal with.
And since this
is the pretty fucked up website - let's look at some really horrible
things that can go wrong with your Social Inhibition Mechanism. Because
things going wrong is what we specialize in here.
Some people's
Social Inhibition Mechanisms are all messed up. They barely fucking
work at all. You have probably met some people whose Social Inhibition
Mechanisms seem to fall down on the job on a pretty regular basis.
They are always saying and doing things that make you think to yourself
- 'Jesus!' They put their feet in their mouth, they don't follow the
rules, they don't pick up on social nuances, they act weird, and they
make you want to say - 'Don't Fucking Do That! Jesus, what is your
problem!' And so on.
Sometimes the
problem with these people is simply that the rest of their brain is
very very loud and their Social Inhibition Mechanism can't shout loud
enough over the din for these people to hear it and respond appropriately.
Sometimes their Social Brain processing centers never got themselves
very organized and so they run around like chickens with their heads
cut off, putting out fires, which makes it hard for the Social Inhibition
Mechanism to do its job. Sometimes the problem is that in the race
between the Selfish Brain's desire to do something fun but inappropriate
and the Social Inhibition Mechanism's race to grab that little impulse
by the pants and drag it back inside you before it can get out - their
Selfish Brain usually wins. It's a complex system and lots of things
can get kind of out of whack.
People whose
Social Inhibition Mechanisms are really really messed up often
find themselves becoming criminals and particularly becoming unsuccessful
criminals. Because their Social Brains and their Social Inhibitions
Mechanisms are impaired or damaged or out to lunch or having a meltdown
and don't take very good care of them.
When the Social
Inhibition Mechanism should be watching these people suspiciously
and saying 'I hope you don't think you are going to steal those
potato chips from this 7-11 joker, because that's exactly the
kind of low-reward high-risk foolish fucking behavior that will get
you in trouble with Other People' - instead it is freaking out and
racing around their heads screaming 'I don't know what to fucking
do! Oh my god, I'm all messed up!' This is unfortunate for everyone,
particularly the stupid low-life that is trying to cram a 24 oz bag
of Doritos down his pants.
Lots of little
biochemical and other things can make the Social Inhibition Mechanism
glitch out - but at the moment nobody knows exactly what they
are. Or exactly how to unglitch this kind of glitched Social Inhibition
Mechanism. So....until they do, say to yourself in a very impressed
tone of voice - 'God, I am so glad my Social Inhibition Mechanism
is not all glitched out and I am not the kind of idiot low-life
who is going to spend his whole life in prison because he robbed a
bunch of 7-11s and didn't do it very well.' That is, if you're not
an idiot low-life.....
Special Bonus
Tip: A fun activity for your Social Inhibition Mechanism is to
watch shows like Dateline and Cops and Justice Files and so
on when they feature idiot low-lifes with broken Social Inhibition
Mechanisms committing horrible and stupid crimes. Your Social
Inhibition Mechanism finds this sort of thing very compelling. It
reminds it of the horror it is protecting you from and shores up its
sense of importance and gravity.
So why not spend
a special bonding evening with your Social Inhibition Mechanism soaking
in some lurid and stupid crime and relaxing in front of the cozy glow
of a television screen? Don't overdo it, or your Social Inhbition
Mechanism will develop Failure to Be Impressed Syndrome and
not only is that not entertaining, it's not really good for it - but
some quality time together enjoying an occasional true-crime treat
can provide satisfying and low-cost brain fun!
Some people's
Social Inhibition Mechanisms are overactive. This
can lead to things like Social Anxiety Disorder or Social Phobia or
whatever the hell they call it these days. That thing where you are
just so fucking crippled by your Social Inhibition Mechanism that
you can barely fucking do anything - particularly leave your house
and deal with Other People. Your Social Inhibition Mechanism seizes
up and won't let go - it won't let you talk, it won't let you think,
and it overdoses you with its natural forms of communication - Fear,
Embarrassment, Anxiety, Insecurity, and Panic.
This usually happens
because the little physiological messengers your body uses to tell
your Social Inhibition Mechanism to shut the fuck up and take a
chill pill aren't working very well or have been depleted or what
have you. And sometimes it happens because the configuration of your
brain has adapted to some incredible weirdness in your environment
or Other People and the configuration has ended up goosing up your
Social Inhibition Mechanism to unbearable levels. This is not fun
for people who have to endure this. A moderately active Social Inhibition
Mechanism is enough of a pain in the ass, even though the little sucker
is helpful. But a really really overactive one is just torture.
When the Social
Inhibition Mechanism glitches in this direction, the natural tendency
is to get Really Fucked Up about it. Although this is a perfectly
logical way to handle an overactive Social Inhibition Mechanism, you
might want to consider the alternative of getting it fixed. Since
this is a physiological problem, your Social Inhibition Mechanism
can often be persuaded to calm the fuck down a bit through some physiological
intervention. This is usually done with medication and re-training
your brain into another configuration. Since your brain naturally
wants to spend its whole life reconfiguring itself for maximum performance,
why not take it into the shop if it has this problem and get it all
tuned up to the specs you want. The shop in this case usually being
a doctor and a therapist if you can find a halfway decent one.
Okay, enough for
the extreme ends of the spectrum - what about horrible Social Inhibition
problems for the rest of us pretty normal Pretty Fucked Up folks?
Oh
goody! More horrible problems for the rest of us....
prettyfedup.com